Monday, August 14, 2006

Pie in the sky

"Effective in conveying who you are and the positions that you stand for, you can communicate ardently-especially when you have something that must be said. With your mind more active than usual, the desire to learn and to know rises. Be selective in the information you process-it is a busy time, and details can slow you down. Seek answers and start with yourself."
"Your pie-in-the-sky mentality is firmly grounded in earthly concerns (and earthy delights) right now. Steady astral influences ensure that you follow your plans through to some kind of resolution."
Sir Psycho Reality:
Fucking pie-in-the-sky. Can't these idiots come up with better metaphors? I've been resolving all week to not write this blog because I can hardly see the fucking point but you know what they say about ending something you I will go on with it. There is no bloody astral influences you douchebags. Details will slow me down so I'm not gonna bother. Arrrrrrrrgghhh

Saturday, August 12, 2006

New heights

"People bring out the best and the worst in you. Passion surfaces easily-especially where others are concerned. Since extremes are normal now, neutrality is a difficult position to achieve-or to want. Strong preferences exist today, although satisfying them often requires pressure. Uncompromising efforts can create friction. Sometimes you find yourself strongly opposed, and other times, you feel manipulated. Pursue what is truly valuable; let go of the trivial."

"Your powers are greater now than ever. Your determination and sense of focus will take you to great heights. Just remember that your family, your friends and your community deserve some of your attention too."
Sir Psycho Reality:
OK, I'll be frank. I have been sleeping on the streets and sofas of mates for the last two months. I get food every now and then and sometimes I don't even have to pay for it. It's not a bad lifestyle, providing you at least have enough for food. My mate Louie is DJing at a nearby pub called the pub which is full of underage and old idiots who see every Saturday night as an excuse to impress their stupid little girlfriends and wives. I am no four walls of my own, no plate, no glass, no bed...just a little rucksack that has some books and my clothes and a small handtowel. I don't need these shitty readings for anything and that has always been my point when I started writing this journal. There is no fucking cosmic plan and if there is it seems to have forgotten me right now. The people around me are doing me a favour rather than the other way round so I am not being manipulated in any way. People don't bring out the best and worst in me...I do. If you are the sort of moron who reads these readings and goes 'Yeah people really bring out the best and worse in are hopeless and please drop dead right about...NOW. My powers are no where to be seen and the great heights that these wankers refer to is probably that joint I smoked yesterday and I wasn't even focusing back then. I was just smoking you cosmic fuckheads.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Yarbles you Marbles

More sensitive than usual now, you function best in an open environment where dreams and fantasies are encouraged. Be clear in your actions, your words, and especially in your intentions since you can misinterpret what others say or do, or you may be misunderstood. Saying one thing and meaning another creates problems, and details seem less important. You do well to escape and watch a good movie or two, particularly when it is a challenge to distinguish between what is true and what is not."
"Are you eating because you're hungry, or are you noshing because it's a good way to distract yourself from what's really going on? Food should be appreciated, but it shouldn't be used as a way to avoid emotions."
Sir Psycho Reality:
Well, as you can see, the whore-er-scope reading says that I may be misunderstood today or may misinterpret something myself. So I will put down the right words, with the right intention that will maybe capture the essence of this reading and what is true/false; here goes....ready?....BOLLOCKS. My yarbles.
As for eating to suppress my emotions...well, I'm afraid I'll have to rewind and say BOLLOCKS to that as well. I don't have enough money to get a fucking cheeseburger right the hell will I have enough to distract myself/avoid my emotions? Yarbles.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006


"You are more empathic than usual now. Paying attention to your dreams and feelings can provide you with an accurate read. Being open helps to dissolve any barriers. Enjoy your increased sensitivity and nurture yourself as well as others. Activities that involve subtlety, ambiguity, and escape soften your mind and ease the stress."
"You're the cosmic equivalent of an electrical power strip right now -- except it's not appliances that view you as an energy source, it's people. You're the conduit for all different kinds of connections."
Sir Psycho reality:
Wow. It's not everyday you get told that you're the 'cosmic equilavent of an electrical power strip'. The connections they praise me for conducting never happened. Not only that, the electricity credit ran out and we were without electricity for four fucking fours. Whatever happened to the power strip in me, I dunno, but it surely had no effect whatsoever on the appliances. I sat down those four hours pretending to have kinetic powers and sent 'mindwaves' to the fusebox. Nothing happened. Then I rememebred that these morons said that it would be people that will view me as an energy source. So I walked to a friend and tried to sent mental shocks of i-order-you-to-give-me-some-fucking-money-so-i-can-watch-the-weather-woman's-tits-on-television. Nothing. In the end, my housemate just went and got some elec. tickets. It was this gesture of help that made me the most empathic I have felt for a while.
Last night, I dreamt of a chicken crossing the road and walking into a Tesco and strolling in the aisles looking for chicken ribs. You see, I saw from the eyes of the chicken (like first-person) and was only sure of the body I was inhibiting when I saw my reflection in the automatic door as I walked out with one whole chicken breast (even as a chicken I'm horny) and stood before the automatic door. There I was...a chicken. Aware of my new body, I asked myself, 'Why the fuck did I cross the road?' so as to answer the age old question. I also asked myself who was first the bloody chicken or the egg but before I could answer these questions...I woke up; surging with electricity and feeling empathic. I am open now and dealing with the mental trauma by talking to my chicken burgers. They say hi.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

A serious tone usually underlies this period. You do best focusing on substantive issues rather than on unnecessary concerns, and spending time alone or on personal issues is sometimes required. Working hard and being patient is preferable to forcing a matter. You may experience delays and frustration, but they will pass.

With great poetry, one line can mean one thing when viewed in a certain light, and something entirely different when it's read again. Think of your life as an epic poem in progress, with various possible interpretations.

Sir Psycho Reality:
Wow, I didn't even know what to expect today after these bastardly predictions. Delays, frustration and poetry. Various interpretations. If only I could find out who is the asshole writing these useless minders, that would be poetic justice. I will personally put him out of his misery.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I am trying to see the epic Inferno that is my life from all possible lights but so far there is nothing. I mean, these predictions are so lame. And what is this about spending time alone with myself?? Am I supposed to have a wank because the stars are aligned right or what? I can't see anyone with a head paying these money-sucking-crystal-ball-langoors any heed. If you do, please see a head-hunter. At least you'll serve some purpose as a dish.

Monday, August 07, 2006


"By facing up to certain concerns, you get the results you desire-particularly when you focus on the important stuff. What you do has purpose, and you are driven to reach a goal that is realistic. Raising issues with parents, as a parent, or with authorities in general can be worthwhile since you present a convincing position. Use this time to define yourself and your life in a meaningful way, no matter how small. Take the lead where it matters."
"A close friend or loved one has been more difficult than usual. Fussing over who is right just makes things unnecessarily difficult. Your peace of mind is more important. It's time to change your tactics."
Sir Psycho Reality:
What I hate more than a hororscope that tells you nothing is a hororscope reading that tells you something that is as wide as Jade Goody's waist. These fuckwits have a habit of pointing the finger in a direction and suggesting that you take the lead because something will happen. Well, duh. Of course, something will happen no matter you stay stationary, go to a strip-bar or eat burgers all day playing video-games. Something's gotta give. These tarot- bastards are suggesting that that I have a convincing position today in dealing with my parents. Really? What about tomorrow? Do you think they would go mad tomorrow? Do you think this position of on-the-top will turn to doggystyle tomorrow? Fuck knows. Not them. And as for changing my tactics, what the fuck is all that about? One of them says that I have a realistic goal and convincing position and the other says that I should not fuss over because my peace of mind is more important. Jesus. No wonder people are addicted to these tells them that the cosmic universe is running for their fat asses and that they should use this time to define themselves, no matter how small. What this results in is a confident News-presenter whacking away in a studio toilet pretending (defining) that his job is of immense importance and Judy to act up on her dog's bollocks syndrome ("just because I can") by eating pie after pie and content with the self-assesment that no matter how small her soul and how big her tummy, at least she's still got that dickhead Richard humming around. The twat.

As is evident from Zidane's 'biorhythm' on the day of the World cup final 2006, he was supposed to have a downward streak of emotion which as we all know got the better of the French loony. But what my question is that how come, with his physical and intellectual waves showing a recordable up-bend, he didn't have the brains to stop himself from throwing the world-cup? Sanglant triste!! (and a little merde as well)

Sunday, August 06, 2006

And so it begins

My 'bio-rhythm chart' for August by
p.s - dictionary defines facade as 'an artificial or deceptive front'

"Unforeseen actions keep you-and others-guessing. You may have to contend with surprising changes of direction. While the unexpected gets your attention, breaking free from routines is a priority when limiting circumstances are a cause for stress. Volatile forces create unpredictable results that disrupt the order. Having no expectations helps you adjust. Risk is sometimes unavoidable, and you are pushed to your edge. It can be quite a ride. "

"Your sporting blood is up, but don't get involved in any risky situations. Keep things low-key and keep the competition confined to pick-up sports in the neighborhood and board games. You'll have more fun that way."
Sir Psycho Reality:
These idiots really do think that my sporting blood is up when I haven't played any sport for almost two years now. Even the fucking Playstation is not around as my mate Ibrahim used to own it and he has moved to a new flat. Both these wanks think that I am going to risk something today and better avoid it. No shit. The only risk I took was drinking 5 litres of cider last night and hoping that a hangover doesn't get me in a half-nelson. But this risk turned to be nothing as I woke up late and sound. We ordered some pizza at a fake address and it could have been risky but again nothing really happened. 'Volatile forces' ain't got shit on me.
And don't even get me started on the fucking bio-rhythm. To think that the bends of a useless line on a bloody chart are supposed to signify my emotional, intellectual and physical is fucking insane. Who are these people? What do they do? How do they do it? They are not psychics but psychos.
This is the bio-chart for Charles Manson that shows that sometime today he will have a wank and get tired. Or he will possibly do some shadow-boxing. Who knows? One thing we know for sure is that he will feel really emotional and intellectual today. He may express himself by finger-painting or writing sonnets. His emotions may have something to do with slashing people in the past and his intellectualism may have something to do with slashing people in the future.
This is Mel Gibson's biochart on the day he was arrested for drunken driving and his tirade on Jews. The chart says he was supposed to have a tiring day but would have an emotional and intellectual high. Wow. We all know how that turned out. The most intellectual he got was saying, 'Jews were responsible for all the wars in the world.' And 'I'm going to fuck you' sounds pretty emotional.